• This book scares me, but (in the nicest way possible) nothing really happens. Fuyuko meets a guy, falls in love, and they drift apart before anything substantive happens. So instead of writing down my thoughts on the book, I’ll use the book’s plot points to write about myself, and the things this book made me think about. I’ve always had these thoughts, but this book was a convenient combination of all my fears, likes, and dislikes, so I figured I’d take the chance to write something more than just a review. If you know who I am, don’t worry. I’m fine - but this essay is going to be really cringe.
  • Fuyuko and I are not very similar. In fact, the only thing we really share is our antisocial-ness. I’m not very satisfied with my antisocialness, but Fuyuko at the beginning seems to embrace it. It’s only until she meets xxx that she changes this behavior, though she’s too scared to do it sober. I’m the opposite - I wanna vomit my thoughts toward something. I wanna vent about mean customers at work, or about racist strangers being weird, or about an how an anime I’m watching had a dumb plot progression. I wanna fangirl about cute new FFXIV outfits, or about cool video game moments, or about how I wish asian artists would do tours in the US. But that would require initiating conversation, because how would anyone else know what I’m thinking? It’s so much easier to walk past and stick my earbuds in, so… I don’t. And I think about these things instead, and write them down. Fuyuko solves this problem by being drunk, but thats probably not that play for me.
  • My social anxiety might sound really depressing, but I truly believe I’m not actually depressed. Trust me bro. Some days are obviously a bit worse than others, though - I take my pick of imposter syndrome, loneliness, and existential dread. Every once in awhile, I wonder what I’ll be doing in 5 years, or 10 years. Will I have a partner? Will working in tech be fulfilling enough to last me until retirement? Will I pivot at some point? If working for less than a year has me going through the classic mid life crisis, will I even last until I’m actually middle aged? These aren’t unique struggles, but they’re certainly still worth thinking about. Auto-piloting through life is not something I want to do again - I did that in my last two years of college, and frankly (outside of some exceptions), those years basically didn’t exist for me.
  • While I’m on the topic of depression, I’ll bring up another “trait” of mine that a number of my friends and coworkers have picked up on, that I’ve (unfortunately) reinforced. “I like depressing stories”. I don’t entirely agree with the statement as-is, but the generalization is mostly true. Depressing stories, to me, feel more substantive in the emotions and relationships portrayed. I’d chalk this preference up to an easy life. No deaths, no household drama, no huge hurdles to overcome. My life has been pretty good. If I were to rephrase it more negatively, I’d say I’ve had a pretty boring life. Tragic stories with a lot of introspection are particularly good at captivating me, because the introspection leads me to emotions I’ve never really felt elsewhere. So I don’t think I like depressing stories. Rather, the stories I like are usually depressing. Pretty cringe of me, but I like what I like.
  • I’ll take this chance to jump topics and genres - this time, to one that All the Lovers in the Night dances around. I’m a bit conflicted about whether this book counts as romance, but there is a one sided crush, so it’s probably one. I read a lot of romance, but I don’t really like watching romance stories (especially Anime). Anime tends to portray characters younger-looking, which I really dislike. While reading I can imagine characters older, which is probably why I prefer novels for this genre. I tend to stay away from romcoms, but I also stay away from stories with a bit too much drama. My taste in romance is very bland. I like when there’s a single couple from the start, with some problems to get through together, and an optimistic ending. A simple wish fulfilment plot. It’d be nice if everything was as easy as that.
  • The last chapter might be my favorite ending of a book ever. No clear cut conclusion, no shocking revelations, no deep lessons learned. Fuyuko writes a single phrase in a notebook - All the Lovers in the Night. I can imagine a lot of people being disappointed by the ending. It’s a rather shallow title drop with not much meaning behind it, preceded by an inconclusive end to Fuyoko’s new relationship. I loved it. I’ve always had a liking for short, vaguely thought-provoking phrases. Many of Yoru Sumino’s novel titles hit that special itch of mine: I Will Forget This Feeling Someday, or I Had That Same Dream Again. They’re not quotes, and not fully formed ideas - just short phrases that inspire the reader to wonder where the train of thought is headed. I use one such phrase quite often as a profile description - sometimes i wonder. Every once in a while, I’ll get asked what it means - “what are you wondering about?” - but there really isn’t any more to it. Finishing the sentence would ruin it.